Uchiha's Eleven
by High Rhulain
Summary: Sasuke Uchiha’s got a plan. And he needs an army of cons. But he's not down for just raiding a vault for some cash, oh no - there are more things on Uchiha's list than grand theft...however grand it may be! Try splitting 2 billion eleven ways.
1. Gathering Names

"Naruto, what would you do for all the ramen you could want in the world?" Sasuke suddenly asked. Naruto shrugged.

"I dunno, just about anything, I guess."

"Hnn."

"Why'd you ask?"

Sasuke ignored him.

* * *

Shikamaru frowned. "This is stupid. You've got to be kidding me, right?"

"Nope."

Shikamaru sighed. "So troublesome. Do I really have to?"

"If you want a pile of that loot, then yes."

"How much are we talking?"

"They say Akatsuki's piled up more than two billion. We'd be peeling off maybe twenty percent of that. Split that eleven ways and you're stuffed."

"Damn," Shikamaru said, doing the math. "You know that's a lot of zeroes and nines, right?"

"I don't do decimals."

"What made you pick eleven?" There was an orange glow as he took a drag off his cigarette.

"Let's just say I think the rest of my crew will be just as enticed by this as you were."

"Your _crew_?"

Sasuke smiled.

* * *

"The numbers still aren't matching, Kiba-kun," said Hinata. Kiba ground his teeth.

"Dammit, Hinata, it's just a couple hundred. Why are you so upset?"

"Because I know where it is," Hinata returned. "Don't think I don't notice when your clothes start coming from Amani and your earring's real diamond, not crystal."

Kiba sighed. "Just don't tell my boss, OK?"

"I've kept quiet about the last few times, and I don't intend to change that," Hinata muttered, going to the break room to get more coffee.

"I liked her better before speech therapy," Kiba muttered, during his attention back to spreadsheets and the numbers he was trying to butter over.

"Um, Kiba?" She was back. Kiba answered without looking up from the stack of numbers he was entering.

"What is it, Hinata?"

"There's someone here to see you."

Kiba looked up – and immediately looked down again.

"Get the hell out of here. I'm not making the same mistake twice."

"I've got numbers for you and Hinata to crunch."

"I don't have time."

"Because you're too busy skimming cream from Hyuuga Accounting?"

Kiba took off his glasses and laid them on the desk. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"It's really nice of Hinata to let you steal from her dad's company, Kibs, but I think your talents could be employed in a more…lucrative way."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you, you bastard?" Kiba growled. "And don't call me Kibs. It's just more evidence of your superiority complex."

"If you want to give up millions in favor of hundreds, keep insulting me."

"Fine. What are you proposing?"

"Come to this address on Saturday night to find out." A business card was tossed over the sheaf of manila envelopes littering Kiba's desk. "You come too, Hinata. There's a share in this for you, if you want."

Kiba was reading the numbers written in pen on the back of the card. He raised an eyebrow in mild awe.

"Ninety mil a piece? Who are these other nine people?"

He was met with silence. Hinata jumped as Kiba started laughing.

"You knew him?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was stupid enough to fall for a con of his one time. Made himself a good hundred K out of me and the guys who were with me. Con man duping con men. He's a smart cookie, that Sasuke Uchiha. Smart, but with too many enemies."

* * *

"Come on, Lee," Tenten hissed, fingers anxiously tapping the wheel. "Come on, come on, come on…what the hell is taking him so long?"

"We opened the vault for him, but he's still got to make it past the lasers," Neji said. "Patience, Tenten."

The back door opened and Lee came racing out, clutching something in his hands.

"Neji-san! Tenten-san! I have gotten them! Lady Tsunade's diamonds!"

"Idiot," snarled Tenten, shoving the blue velvet bag down under her seat. "What if someone sees those? Sit down and shut up!"

Lee obeyed.

"Let's go," Neji ordered. "I want us states away and those diamonds sold when they run their check on the vault's contents."

"Oh? And who do you think is going to be buying Lady Tsunade's diamonds?"

Tenten stiffened. Neji glanced into the rearview mirror, narrowing his eyes in a challenge.

"How the hell did you get into my car, Uchiha?"

"Doesn't matter." Sasuke leaned forward. "Point is, Hyuuga, you're overreaching. Those diamonds are too famous. Nobody's gonna buy those until you grind them down for powder and sell them to the hardware store. And then they'd be almost worthless."

Neji swore. "What do you want?"

"You've got yourself a star greaseman and a good wheel woman," said Sasuke. "I want them. And I want you."

"Let's go, Tenten," Neji ordered. "Start driving." He turned back to his unexpected fourth passenger. "It was a mistake to get in here, Uchiha. If you want someone to do you a favor, never put yourself into their hands. Drive down to the river," he ordered Tenten. She nodded grimly.

"There's over a billion in it for your team. Better than what you'd be making off those diamonds."

"Hnn. Out of curiosity, whose money were you planning on using to pay me to do your dirty work?"

"Akatsuki's," said Sasuke.

"Akatsuki? You're actually going to take on Nagato, Orochimaru, and your brother?"

"Sounds like a personal thing to me," sniffed Tenten.

"That's foolish, Uchiha-san," said Lee. "If you are emotionally or personally involved in a job, then your ability to reason and plan without bias is hampered. Therefore you will struggle to complete your job successfully."

"Who said this was about revenge?" Sasuke's eyes glowed. "Come on, Neji, I know you feel them biting your tail. No matter what you say, there's stuff in their vaults you wouldn't mind having. Some of it used to be yours, right?"

Neji's face twitched impassively.

"I won't go into a job for revenge."

"Kisame's got your name, now," said Sasuke teasingly. "Imagine taking back your stuff and raiding his vault, right under his nose, and then vanishing with a billion of his-"

"Knock it off, Uchiha. Pull over, Tenten."

The black van came to a halt.

"Get out of the goddamn car."

"Hnn?"

"Hnn."

"Was that a yes?" asked Tenten, watching Sasuke's figure shrink in her sideview mirror. "Because dialogues between you prodigies always screw with my head." Neji shook his head.

* * *

"Another order of special dumplings!"

"One tuna steak coming up!"

"Get more of that Prast from the fridge!"

"Excuse me, sir? There's a customer who would like a word with the chef."

"I'm busy, damn it! OI! Take that off the heat before it browns!"

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Not now! Hey, Iruka, can you take these sushi orders? I've got my hands full with this ramen broth…"

"Sir, the customer gave me this."

Eyebrows were raised.

"That much, huh? Trying to bribe the chef?"

"I wouldn't know, sir. He would like to see you, sir."

"Well, we can't ignore a paying customer. Yugito! Finish this ramen while I go greet a customer! KONOHAMARU, don't you DARE ruin those mushrooms or I will so kick your ass!"

Straightening of the hat, dusting of the round front. Open the swinging doors with a smile reserved for customers.

The waiter points out the patron.

Turns around to head back into kitchen.

Forcibly (and with difficulty) pushed to table by waiter.

"My compliments for the meal, Choji."

"That's all you're getting out of me, hear?"

"Relax. Do you know where I could find Yuki?"

"Who's that?"

"You know, the sexy bitch from our Suna job. Long hair. Nice eyes. Kept hitting on me."

"Oh, you mean – look, do we have to talk about this? Especially in public?"

"Oh, I see. Don't want to disturb your other patrons, huh?"

"Look, I could throw you out whenever I wanted. This is my place. Be grateful I'm not throwing you out on your ass right now."

"How much longer is it yours?"

"What the hell?"

"That guy from Suna is trying to buy you out, right?"

"Damn Sasori and his piddling French tastes! This is REAL cuisine! And the bastard thinks he can just take the place out from under me…"

"How much would stop him?"

"How much we talking about?"

"Say…ninety mil."

"Wow. Getting cocky, aren't you?"

"Depends. You can't get yours and I can't get mine unless you tell me where to find Yuki."

"Oi." A sigh. "I don't know, we don't really keep up. She always thought I was a fatass, you know."

"Can't imagine why." Deepest imitation of sincerity.

"Last I heard, she was working over those highrollers in Kumokagure. You know her. Sex and diamonds and all that crap…"

"Whereabouts in Kumokagure?"

"Dunno. Try the Lightning Blade, she had a thing for ninja stuff."

"Weird tastes, that woman. Thanks for the meal."

"Hey, what about my ninety mil?"

"Now who's getting cocky, demanding payoff up front? Show up at this place on Saturday. 7:00. Don't be late."

"It's a weekend. I'm not closing earlier than ten for nothing."

"Not even ninety mil?"

"…damn."

"Au revoir."

Sasuke made a face as he pulled away from the restaurant. "Damn it's been three years and Choji still can't cook. My gut won't forgive me for this one."

"Too bad, your gut's still got to go to Kumokagure," said the voice on the car phone. "I got you a flight at six-thirty."

"That's in two hours."

"Your bags are in your trunk. Good luck with Yuki."

"Thanks."

"Hey, is that really her name?"

"Probably not."

* * *

**Hmm…who is this YUKI that Sasuke is going to retrieve from Kumokagure? And is Team Neji really in on the Uchiha deal? Is Sasuke really in this for personal reasons (you know it!)? And will Akatsuki catch wind of this plan? **

**And I apologize to those of you who may have initially been expecting SasuSaku, because of the character categories. That's just cause I do not want this piece to be confused with a SasuNaru yaoi, cause I don't write those. There may be some romance later, I dunno. We'll see what happens. But the idea has struck and there is no turning back now!**

~Rhulain


	2. Yuki and Gaara

Kumokagure was as wet, windy, and spicy as Sasuke remembered. Only this time, they'd added the holographic, three-dimensional, state-of-the-art epilepsy-inducing light show. Kumokagure was probably one of the few places in the world where one with sensitive eyes needed the protection of mirrored sunglasses both by day and night.

The Lightning Blade was in full swing, with two stuntmen dressed as ninjas battling in the center ring, beautiful blondes and bosomy brunettes serving drinks, and dice rattling in the pits. Sasuke sauntered through the press and vaulted easily over the edge of a VIP box, whose owner had recently departed with his entourage for the restroom. He signaled a nearby waitress (excuse me, model-who-served).

"Got any Grey Goose?"

"Why certainly – depending on who's asking." Half the phrase encased in goo, half in ice. Guess when she turned around.

"I don't remember you being blonde."

"I like this a lot better than that last hideous shade. It brings out my eyes. This is a private box, Uchiha."

"I know."

"And are you the VIP who reserved it?"

"Come on, I just wanted some private time alone. You and me."

She rolled her eyes.

"Grey Goose, coming up."

"That's not what I paid for," he grunted as she slammed the drink down next to him and jerked upright, snatching away his view down her top.

"What?"

"Where's the dance? The flair? The sexiness? The qualities that make you Kumokagure?"

She suggested that he do something he wasn't entirely sure was anatomically possible.

"I forgot – you only strut your stuff for highrollers. Oh well. Guess I'll come back in about three weeks." He smiled over the rim of the glass. She was turning her head so he could see her profile. She was magnificent, no two ways about it.

Her eyes narrowed. "Sasuke Uchiha, you had better not be about to proposition me." One hand on her hip, the other down her side. Accenting her curves.

"You're the hooker here," he pointed out. "I'm just offering you a change of profession."

"I am not a hooker! I simply use my powers as a beautiful, sexy, clever woman to manipulate men to my advantage."

"Do you actually _like_ your job?"

"Do you like hairy old men?"

"Touché. Would ninety mil buy you?"

She examined her long, pink nails. "Perhaps. As long as there aren't hairy old men involved."

"How hairy do you think Akatsuki are under those business suits?"

"Akatsuki?" Her eyes glowed with interest as she leaned against his chair. "This wouldn't be about revenge on your brother, would it, Sasuke?"

"Are we on speaking terms again?" he asked. She fondled the end of his silk tie.

"I think so. If this job'll get me out of Kumokagure on the arm of some male eye candy, I wouldn't mind."

"That can be arranged. Pick your new boy toy, Yuki."

She grinned a luscious grin through red lips. "Will the press be notified?"

"If you want. I'll give you the highest-profile fling you've ever had in your sex-and-diamonds career."

"Hmm. It's too bad you're not much of a playboy," she said, leaning forward at just the right angle to impress him. "I bet I could fix that."

"I may need your help at some point. It wouldn't hurt to cultivate that particular image." The sexy grin, turned up to just the right naughty amplitude. Her pulse was speeding up at the prospect of his offer. "You're right, the blonde really does setyou're your eyes." He could practically see the sugar crystallizing in her gaze. Ask her one more time, you got her. "You want to help me, Yuki?"

"Do you still really think that's my name?"

"I had a hunch it wasn't."

She ran a hand through his black hair. "It's Ino. Sexy, sexy, Ino."

He closed his eyes, enjoying her scalp massage. "Want to catch the 10:00 flight?"

"Can't we stay the night?"

"'Fraid not. I've got one more person to fetch for this job. And plans to make."

"Mm, so clever. And so busy. I'll go pack now. Meet you at the bus stop in an hour."

"I've got a car."

"Yours?"

"No duh. Rental."

"What kind?"

"Porsche."

"Stylish."

"Figured you'd like it."

* * *

"So let's see, that's Kiba, Hinata, Neji and his two pals, Shikamaru, Chouji, you, and me," said Naruto, going over the list one more time.

"Did you talk to Aburame?" asked Sasuke over the phone.

"Hell, you try talking to a guy who blends into the wall."

"So what did you do then?"

"Stood there in silent communion. And then I gave him the money and he vanished. Guess that means he's in."

"Where did you learn a fifty-center like 'communion'? And if Shino took it, he's definitely in. That guy's so slippery he probably knows exactly what we're up to now and exactly what's in it for him. Which is a good sign."

"How so? And just cause I failed English that one time does NOT mean I don't use big words."

"You mean nominalizations and romanizations. Like I said, Shino knows everything about everyone. If he comes on our job, it means the odds of us succeeding are pretty good."

"Oh, yeah! Payoff! And what the hell is a romanization?"

"…you weren't a humanities major, were you?"

"Nope. Civil engineering."

"That explains it."

"What?"

"Everything."

Sasuke hung up. Naruto cursed him out roundly and went back to the phones. Suddenly his cell phone started playing 'Eye of the Tiger'. Groaning, he flipped it open.

"What is it now, Sasuke?"

"Change your ringtone. I know it's still that stupid song. And book me a flight to Suna."

"What for?"

"Do the math, stupid. There's only ten of us, if Neji and his crew don't bail out. We need one more."

"What for?" Repeating himself like a dumbass.

"Because I said so."

"Somebody's really flaunting his superiority complex today. Having the last word and the best comeback and all."

"Yeah, it's a hobby. Oh, what was the last job traced back to Subaku?"

"Subaku, Subaku…" Naruto flipped through the mental pages of his memory. "You mean Gaara no Subaku?"

"The one and only."

"I think he was somehow traced to the September hack job into the Social Security system they've got down there. Got away with a decent chunk of a bunch of old ladies' government pensions." Naruto shook his head. "The bastard."

"Never mind the morality, that's a triviality. Do we know where he is?"

"Probably living it up, knowing him. He probably bought this huge pad and locked himself away in it. He was always kind of withdrawn. A misanthrope, you might say. Sasuke-?"

But the line had gone dead again.

* * *

**Gah! Sorry I'm so slow! Hmm...Sakura has yet to show up, hasn't she? Where, oh where have you been hiding, Sakura-chan? And I've decided that this will probably contain SasuSaku at some point. Just don't know when. Heck, I don't even know what the main conflict is yet. Just going slow, letting the characters figure out what's going on themselves! REVIEW! Rhulain out!**


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